Fear not, Americans...

We will not give pretzels a media outlet with which to spread their hate and fear! Could you imagine the circus atmosphere were a pretzel to stand public trial? The cameras, the little pretzel jury, and a gingerbread man as the lawyer, and gumdrop benches and the judge would be made out of potato chips, and he'd say 'order in the court' and the defense guy would say "Ham on Rye" and he would be a Ham on Rye...

Heh, that would be pretty fun.