This is like a bad version of the noir stuff that Ryan and Colin do on Whose Line Is It Anyway, if I do say so.
Responses:
Lord Ottombottom
Well what were you expecting? A cavalcade of whimsey?
Lord Ottombottom
Why, the last thing approaching whimsey I can recall about this place is when Mr. Justice got entirely schnookered and tripped down the stairs, flinging his bottle of scotch in a rather ungraceful arc, narrowly missing a rather expensive vase of mine.
Tony Slattery singing a hoedown
If this whole noir thing just isn't working out for you, perhaps we could try our hand at some embarassingly bad cyberpunk instead.