Vampires

The Asker

Deadly menace? Angst-ridden immortals, or tasty dessert treat? Discuss.

Responses:

Buffy Summers

Well, there is one school of thought on that one, which is that vampires are soulless evil demons inhabiting the bodies of deceased humans, who walk the Earth with simple desires such as sucking blood, making more vampires, attaining wealth and power, and bringing about the end of human rule on this planet.

Bender

Actually robots and vampires are agreed on that last point.

Willow Rosenberg

You forgot the second school of thought.

Buffy Summers

Ok, there's the other school of though which is that vampires aren't inherently evil, but must by necesity distance themselves from their human roots. They live the poignant life of goth gloom and self pity. But that school of thought is dead wrong, and should wear a dunce hat.

Xander Harris

You forgot the third school of thought.

Buffy Summers

Oh yeah, the third school of thought... wait, what "third school"? I only go as far as secondary school.

Xander Harris

The third school of thought is that 250 year old vampires who have their soul "restored" and mope about with their stupid "I'm so tortured routine" and that insipid "come love me, I'm a dark mysterious cradlerobbing creature of the night" look on their face make excellent lovers.

People who fall in this school will just go on dating 250 year old vampires even though it's obvious to everyone that it JUST WONT WORK and that they should JUST MOVE ON WITH THEIR FREAKING LIVES, and give up their stupid "forbidden love".

Willow Rosenberg

Someone has issues.

Buffy Summers

"Someone" has a whole subscription.

Chester the Vampire-Hunting Cat

What about the fourth school of thought? That vampires can take shapes other than human, perhaps something so innocent and cute and cuddly that it can slip into our households stealthily and suck the precious lifebloods from our vegetables?

Xander Harris

And I have issues?

Bunnicula, the Vampire Bunny

Average rating: 3.40