The Conversatron - Why Bad Things?

The Asker

Why do bad things happen to good people? Specifically, why do bad things happen to me?

The Evil Black Marble

How do we know you're a good person?

And not some sniveling blue marble, who deserves everything they get?!

Dad

Maybe if you cut your hair and stop playing that dang blammat guitar bad things would stop hapening.

Mike Jittlov

It's all the government's fault. Stop paying your taxes, and everything will be great

Pinywiny of the Arilou

Oh, dear child. All will be fine when we... complete you. For now, you are not ready for the... process.

The Evil Black Marble

Jeez, those guys bug me. Creepy elf-panseys. Go make some crop circles, there, Dopey!

Pinywiny of the Arilou

.........Initiating acclimating procedure.... warming up reactor.........

The Evil Black Marble

Okay, Asker, how are we supposed to answer your question when we don't even know who you are? We need your name, address, and times when you aren't at home or sleeping. And the location of any marbles in your house. Specifically dopey blue or red marbles. With this information we may be better able to help you.

The Evil Black Marble

Acclimate my shiny marble ass, Grey-face!

Pinywiny of the Arilou

We have many wonders to show you, my marble friend. Please accept our invitation to our home so that you may become more familar with our... customs

*Singer* of the Orz

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGH! Arilou are always *jumping in front* this is not fun game. Marbles should not play with Arilou. It is *specific*

The Evil Black Marble

If you ask me, you're pretty friendly with that big marble you keep palming, Arilou. Maybe when you've finished that relationship we can talk.

Colonel Corazon Santiago

We seem to have gotten off the subject again. I will warn you that my new "Can Of Whoop Ass Troopers" (20,13, 2) are fully integrated into my army, and have made my forces practically invincible. Now, answer the question or feel the wrath of my mighty Spartan troops.

Sister Miriam Godwinson

Maybe bad things happen to you because you have not fully accepted your faith. Only in God are we saved, in his light we thrive.

Academician Prokhor Zakharov

Religious Freak

Jodie Foster

You probably aren't reading enough Carl Sagan books.

Not the Ghost of Carl Sagan, since the existence of 'ghosts' cannot be proven scientifically.

I AGREE!

Sister Miriam Godwinson

Carl, you were a fairly forceful skeptic while you were alive, much like my associate Zakharov. Yet, now you're dead, and you continue to plug your books. How is this possible if there is no afterlife? I would like to know how you can reconcile this while continuing to deny your faith.

Not the Ghost of Carl Sagan, since the existence of 'ghosts' cannot be proven scientifically.

Bite Me

Academician Prokhor Zakharov

When you're done with him, you can bite me too

Skully, the TMBG skull

And by the way, the bad things that are happening to you now are nothing compared to the bad things right behind you.

Heather Donahue

sound of stick snapping

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???!!