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Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil" club, Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right! They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the original Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the old evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable."

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zeala


John Cleese  

I'm sorry, but I didn't write that.

Perhaps you should check your facts better.

  Michael Palin

Oh, sure, someone says "John Cleese" and you just assume that it's you.

It could be any number of John Cleeses.

John Cleese  

It's not from any John Cleese, it's from some bloody webpage.

  Michael Palin

Well, there's nothing there that says "Not written by a John Cleese."

You just think everything's automatically about you, and you simply can't stand being proved wrong, is that it?

John Cleese  

John Cleese  

You're quite right.

Terribly sorry, everyone.

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