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Shark Attack

  Surfer Rosa

They say the best thing to do when being attacked by a shark it to poke it in the eyes. But that would involve getting near the thing, and even if you manage to poke one eye, he still has the other. Is there any other methods you can suggest for getting away from the damn shark?


  Jimmy James

Okay, see, when you're being attacked by a shark, it's close to you already. If it's not close, it's hard to attack. Sharks don't usually carry guns.

  Jimmy James

Getting away from it assumes you can move faster in water than the shark, which unless you're some Olympic swimmer-type person, it just ain't happening, unless you pay to have a helicopter hover overhead whenever you go swimming.

Which is what I do.

  Jimmy James

But heck, I'm not sure if even that's safe anymore after I got that photo.

Jennifer Love Hewitt  

Um, that Internet shark thing? I'm pretty sure it's a fake.

  Jimmy James

Well, of course it is, but I liked it so much I paid some guys to re-enact it, with a real shark. Don't worry, the guy had some special suit or something, it protected him.

  Jimmy James

Or it was supposed to. Anyway, the upshot is my helicopter guys have rifles now.

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