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The Topic: Pit Traps and Other Dating Do's

  fluke

My best friend is a witty, sarcastic, intelligent, attractive man in his early twenties. For some reason utterly outside of the extent of my logical capacities, he is still single.

Being that I am his closest female friend, it has fallen upon me to find him an appropriate mate. I have an utter lack of female friends with whom I would "fix him up" and even if I had some, they would never be good enough for him in my eyes. He must have found the love of his life by my wedding in June.

What can I do to find him a woman who will make him happy?



Responses:


  Dr. Niles Crane

Considering the next two questions share a relationship theme, I'll try for a two-for, as it were, since couples therapy is one of the cornerstones of my practice.

In this case, I wonder about your motives. You say that it has fallen upon you to find him an appropriate mate, and it is obvious that you hold him in high regard. You also say that any hypothetical friends of yours would be inadequate in your eyes...


  Dr. Niles Crane

Finally and most telling, you say that you want this process completed by your own wedding, and this makes me wonder if there are not other issues here. To put it bluntly, do you think that you yourself are the only suitable mate for him, and do you yourself have feelings for him of a romantic nature that you have not yet 'put to bed' as it were? Note that these two things are not necessarily related. However, it is important that you discuss these issues with him, and clear the air, for your sake more than his, since I would guess that your feelings are the major issue in this matter, not the fact that your friend has not yet 'hooked up.' Although there is also the possibility of feelings of guilt on your part at marrying while he is still searching for a mate, which we can also discuss.


  Bender

Plus, he's probably gay.


  Dr. Niles Crane

I'll take these two questions, thank you. You can have the next.


  Bender

Yeah, okay, whatever.


  fluke

*Sigh*

I don't feel guilty, I don't feel jealous. I'm lucky to have such a good friend, but I could never feel that way about him.

The great thing about our friendship is that we don't play silly games like flirtatious dishonesty. He's reading this thread right now. What's wrong with society today that you, Dr. Crane, whom I have always admired :) believe I can't think a great deal of my best friend without having Melrose Place fantasies about him?

I guess the crux of the problem is this: he doesn't know how great he is and can't take a compliment. Maybe that's why I'm posting...

*wink*


  Dr. Niles Crane

Are you coming on to me?


  Dr. Niles Crane

Just kidding, of course, but thank you for the compliment. Notice that I said that feelings on your part that you would be the most suitable mate for your friend need not necessarily be connected with romantic urges or 'Melrose Place Fantasies' as you put it. This would be more related to personal vanity over an interest in intimate relations. For I still believe there is more here than you are willing to admit, perhaps even to yourself. Your friendship may explain your desire to see this person happy, it doesn't do much to explain your need to see him find this soulmate by a date arbitrarily set by you; that being your wedding date.


  Dr. Niles Crane

Unless, of course, it's because you don't have any female friends and need some women to up the bridesmaids total to the point where you'll get the special rate on dresses, ha-ha.


  Dr. Niles Crane

Oh, God, that's not it, is it?


  fluke

*Blush*

Yes, that's it.


  Dr. Niles Crane

...And our understanding of the female gender takes another quantum step forward.




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