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slow brain death

swifty
I have two term papers due tomorrow, one on "Death Of A Salesman" and one tying together several long-winded, incomprehensibly wordy articles with a short film on people from the Dominican Republic. I have rewrites of two papers due on Friday, one of which on Flannery O'Connor and one on the film "Un Chien Andalou." Plus Housing Services fucked up my room selection for next year and are claiming that I am not actually living anywhere on campus.

So are there any Askees back there who got ENGLISH degrees who can provide advice, or are you all just engineers?


Responses:

M.U.L.E.
If by "Askees back there who got ENGLISH degrees" you mean graduating without fulfilling all the course requirements, I got your back, Jack!


Lt. Commander Data
The asker's name is clearly not Jack.


M.U.L.E.
Whatever. Can't write a paper without breaking a few eggs, metaphorically speaking. Zippow!


Lt. Commander Data
Are you sure you are an English major? Perhaps you need to run a self-diagnostic.


M.U.L.E.
Words just slow me down, baby-cakes!


Lt. Commander Data


Lt. Commander Data
I believe you will find better results consulting the engineers on this site, this one seems to be slightly unstable.


M.U.L.E.
Back off, stodgy-pants, I got just what my English compadre needs! You got 2 papers due tomorrow, and it sounds like you haven't started. That means you need piles of schlock, me bucko.


M.U.L.E.
Now, Jack, I'm going to assume these are 5+ page papers due tomorrow, if they are wimpy little 2 pagers then get the hell out of here. Any English major worth their salt should be able to churn those out like they're candy. Oh yeah!


M.U.L.E.
OK, first step. Skim "Death", and highlight a few quotes(I'm gonna assume you didn't highlight key quotes while reading it previously cause, folks smart enough to do that don't need some random Q&A smartasses.) Go to the points in there where you know something pivotal happens, thems are rich pickens. If you ain't read it, well, you're in a bit more trouble, but never fear! Check out the beginning and the end, those always have some tidbits. Them flip through looking for some yelling in the middle, you might luck out. Grab about 15 quotes.


M.U.L.E.
Read thru these quotes for something resembling a theme, and then organize the quotes into three columns, to highlight different aspects of the theme. For the vanilla paper, throw the theme and aspects up in your intro paragraph. Now look at your little quote chart. Go to the first set, pick one of your strongest quotes, and blather about it. Slightly weaker quote, blather some more, weakest quote, blather some more, and another strong quote. You want to blather minimum 2 sentences for each quote, 3 if possible. If you like short, clear sentences, well, up the number a good bit. Congratulations, you've churned out at least a couple pages. You'll want to do the same for the next two sets of quotes, and throw in some references to the previous sets, that'll make it look like these all actually fit together.


M.U.L.E.
Hopefully, if you're on your game, you've gotten a game plan blathering on the last 4-5 pages, now it's time to bring it home. Those 3 apects you covered, talk about them each indiviually in a sentence, and then use a second for each to start pulling 'em together. Then a couple final sentences basically braggin about how it all fits together.


M.U.L.E.
Do the same thing for that other article thing. Whatever it was, can't care anymore. Now celebrate Wednesday, cause you crammed out those papers, showed higher education a thing or two, and learned absolutely nothing.


M.U.L.E.
Thursday, time for more panic cause you got two more due that you did nothing about on Wednesday. Ha, fool! Then repeat the process above. Friday night I highly recommend excessive drinking. Zippow!


Loudspeaker
PLEASE BE ADVISED, THE ABOVE PROCESS WILL NOT GET YOU AN A!


M.U.L.E.
Pah, the slacker will be lucky if he gets a B. Sucker!


swifty
Sweet Christ, you actually helped. I don't suppose there's anything I could do in return?


Tron
For heaven's sake, don't encourage him!

We haven't had any new crystite in months because of that slacker.




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