The Topic: The Conversatron - Why?

 fenrik
Why doesn't my printer work? I love it like a son, yet it rejects me. Why? I just don't know what else to do!



Responses:


 the Red Guy
Ooooooh, your printer's not working?

Maybe it's posessed. Ah-hahaha.

I. M. Weasel  
It's more likely a driver problem. What are the symptoms?

 the Red Guy
Ooooooh, sure, a "driver problem."

If you want to believe all that mumbo jumbo.

 fenrik
Yeah, it is a driver problem, according to our friends in network admin who specialize in diagnosing problems without fixing them. They advised me to sacrifice a bull to the printer and hope to appease its patron god. I'm not sure if that was a joke or not, but we're working on getting a bull over here now. I'm not sure if they want me to burn it or just slice it up, though.

 the Red Guy
Oh, it's possessed. I suggest grinding up the bull into delicious bull burgers and garnishing with tomato and pickle. I'm sure someone will be with you shortly.

Ah-hahaha.

 fenrik
Turns out those tightwad bastards in Acquisition and Resource won't spring for a bull. We managed to score a college intern, though. He's pretty fat and he might have a tail. Will that do?

I. M. Weasel  
This is insane. You should be working on a rational technical solution to the problem, not sacrificing innocent interns!

 the Red Guy
Oh, Ah-hahaha. Don't listen to the weasel.
Leave the little guy tied up by the door with a note saying he's for "Ivan Panced."

I'm suuuuuuuuure things will work out.

 fenrik
Well, the intern is gone, there's this weird smell of sulphur and brimstone in the air, but the printer's working!

... of course, all it's printing out are sheets of red paper with the number "666" on them that burst into flames as soon as they leave the tray. But that's more than it was doing this morning. Still, I have a lot of stuff to print... should I add some toner or what?

 the Red Guy
Oooooooh. I don't know, that sounds like a driver problem to me.




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